Did you miss me?

       I go away for a year and Xanga is all grow'd up. I would love to post here, I truly would. On Xanga I am truly myself, while on myspace (www.myspace.com/thelasttruebeliever SHAMELESS SHILL!) I am only occasionally myself.

       Of course my life consists of working 12 hour days, doing tons of school, writing about 6 essays a week, and spending the rest of the time being lazy or entertaining my girlfriend (or, as is par for the course, working out the stupidest problems imaginable. For some reason in my relationships we seem to gloss over the big problems and fight about the dumbest things one could fight about).

         This is no promise that I will continue posting here, I rather doubt I will. For more up-to-the-minute news go to my Myspace. See, with my limited imagination being torn twixt here, myspace, and my upcoming website dedicated to all things awesome (that is, me), I doubt I'll get much put here.

          However, I've always like Xanga much more than Myspace but here's the dark truth: I do, despite my exclamations to the contrary, need attention. On Myspace I have more friends, and people read my blogs (though they absolutely refuse to reward my hard work with the barest of comment). Here I often post to nothing more than a dark, dank, damp, dingy nothingness known as the Internet. Also, I've switched jobs since last year and don't spend my day staring at a computer trying to come up with something to do (which usually resulted in a xanga update).

          But now, loved ones, I must go take a Final Examination, and then probably work on an exciting story of Graduation Night Fornication for crackwilson.com

Currently Watching I'm Not Scared see related

                Wow, I just got the shit scared out of me. I'm watching an Italian movie (with subtitles, no less) about a boy who finds another boy locked in a basement of an abandoned house. Anyway, he was just looking down in it and saw a foot sticking out from under the blanket. He closed the hatch, got a rock, and looked back down, and the foot was gone. Then suddenly the trapped kid's face popped up; his eyes rolled back, his skin all white, his hair sticking up everywhere, and made me jump a mile. Not only that, I had chills going the whole time he was on screen. It was a genuinely good scare, which I haven't had in awhile.

                The important news though (and what would have been the first news if I wouldn't have gotten scared half to death as I began typing) is that my friends' great-grandma is about to die. That might not sound like a big deal to some people, but she was like a grandma to them and they haven't seen her in seven years. She's the one we were going to see when I got sick and we had to turn around. So anyway, she took a turn for the worse today and they don't expect her to make it much longer. Because of this, my friends' mom is flying up to visit early tomorrow morning. Like, they're leaving at 4 or 5 a.m. Hopefully everything will go well with that. I know people get old and die, and it seems right for old people to die, as opposed to young people, but it's never easy to lose relatives. Especially relatives you are close to and have 7 years of catching up with to do.

                      I'm really hungry, and eating a rice cake. I remember when I was little my mom used to tell me that if you eat right before going to bed it would make you have weird dreams. I don't know if that's true or not. I used to eat right before I went to bed to try and make myself dream strange things (this is when I was 10 or 12 (it's a little known fact that I actually don't age on odd years, I just stay the same age for two years and go from 10 to 12, 14 to 16, etc. 21 has been the first exception since I was 5). It never seemed to work though.

                       I have to write an obituary of a famous person for my writing assignment this week; including method of death, date, brief synopsis of life, and an applicable quote. I think I'm going to write it on Hunter S. Thompson. That's all.

Currently Listening The Best of '94 - '99 By Bush Machinehead see related

Balancing on the edge of inspiration and apathy...

                  There's defenitely something I want to do...something I have a great idea for and that will be AM-AZ-ING - I just haven't figured out what yet. I have a rare bit of free time in the evenings and mornings this week and all my mental faculties are crying out for a project but I have yet to hit upon the one that feels right. I've had a few ideas, but nothing I've dedicated myself to. Earlier in the week I decided to make a giant collage, for no reason, just as an art form, and frame it. I cut a bunch of pictures out of magazines, but by then I had lost interest. After that I decided to get a MySpace ID and make The Most Annoying MySpace page of all time. However, MySpace ended up being basically impossible for me to use, or even grasp the concept of, so I gave that up. Besides, I know when to retire honorably in defeat from the field of combat (ideally before firing a single shot). Behold my victor: http://myspace.com/blah666

                   Anyway, I've been searching for a worthy project all day. I nearly convinced myself to write a stick figure comic using MSPaint, or marker and paper, but jumped that ship at the last second. After that we got new ID badges with UPC symbols to swipe in the machine when we clock in and out here at work. I tried to make my own ID badge, lampooning something or the other, but again lacked inspiration. The best I could come up with was "Narcotics Agent" with a picture of Nick Nolte's infamous mug shot. Like I said, I'm lacking in inspiration. I instead dedicated myself to finding ways to "cheat the system" but that took all of 15 seconds. I just took my new ID card, made copies of the UPC symbol, and made sure that I could use the copies to clock in and out. This means that I can give it to someone else and have them clock me in and out, or keep one here in case I forget mine, or laminate one and wear it on my keychain, etc. After I post this I'll go and steal a bunch of ID cards out of people's mailboxes, make copies of them, and have my own personal library of UPC codes. That's amusing, I guess, but I still haven't found my project (oh, and I don't have any nefarious UPC plot in mind, I just like knowing I have the ability to cause mayhem if I need to).

                       So yesterday evening went well enough. No bloodshed or anything, but no money either. We went over there and I stayed in the car while Darrell and the lady talked to the dude on his porch. He told them that he would give them the money and that his wife was at the store but would return with it soon. I was amazed (and a bit suspicious) about the ease of the proceedings until I realized that if she files a small times complaint against him it will be enough to make it illegal for him to leave the state until the matter is resolved, and he wants to leave the state ASAP. His wife shows up and says she doesn't have $250. Darrell, the lady, and the wife have a big discussion in the yard while the guy sits on the porch 5 feet away and ignores them all. I'm just in the car, watching, but not staring, with my window down so I can hear what's going on. The guy on the porch makes a phone call and like two minutes later his male neighbor comes over and stands to the side, just staring at the confrontation. So now it's an interesting dynamic with the three talking, two watching them from the porch, me watching from the car, and the people on the car/porch watching one another as well.

                     The wife says she doesn't have $250 but that they're closing on their house on Friday (then moving that night) and she'll pay the money then. She says she'll write a written statement to that affect, and sign it. Personally that's good enough for me, because what else can you hope to get? These people are pure white trash, I'd be surprised if they have $25 cash in their house, much less $250. There's really no other option, besides go to the cops about it, and you'll still have that option come Friday if they don't give you the money. I think this is the best deal we can hope to get but the lady isn't content. She keeps saying that she wants the money, not a piece of paper, and the wife is all, "I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY! What do you want me to do? Bend over and you pull it out of my ass? You want to come inside and take some of my stuff until Friday?" The lady is kind of a dick about the whole situation but after going back and forth for half an hour gets the wife to write up the statement, sign it, and we leave. Jeez. If they would have relied on my negotiating expertise we would have been there 5 minutes, and left on good terms. At any rate, there was no violence.

                   So yeah...that's it. I haven't watched any movies since Freaks, on Monday afternoon. Maybe that (and the fact that I did so much schoolwork in advance) is why I feel like I have so much free time this week. Peace!

Currently Reading Star Wars, Episode III - Revenge of the Sith By Matthew Woodring Stover see related

               "Against my better judgment" may be the opening phrase of my last statement. Of course, that would make me more of a fool then the fellow who doesn't see the danger coming. I have ill feelings about this risky venture yet participate nonetheless, placing me in the (already quite crowded) category of dumb asses. You see, in a story I don't really understand, some guy (named Tim) was paid $250 to install a fence for an old lady who goes to my church. After being paid (that's what you get for paying someone in advance) he took the money, took the fence, sold it someone else, and dropped out of sight. She wasn't the only person he pulled this not-so-fast one over on, and he got caught, incarcerated, and is now on parole (it's been about 5 months). This lady though, because she didn't sue I guess, never got her $250. The other day she ran into Tim's brother, or brother-in-law, Jason, who talked to her about the situation. He's truly disgusted with Tim, and told her where he lives and that he is leaving the state (in violation of parole? I don't know) this Friday. The age old question, which my mother has asked me about innumerable situations in my life (including this one) is, "How exactly does this concern you?"

                Well the lady asked Darrell to go to this guy's house with her, where she is going to ask him to give her $250 (I guess she'll say please, I don't know). Darrell, in turn, asked me to go with him. He just wants me to sit in the car, so the guy won't feel threatened by 3 people banging on his door or whatever. So here's where the aforementioned Famous Last Opening Phrase comes in: Against my better judgment, I agreed. If anyone else besides Darrell would have asked me I would have said no; but Darrell is an honest and straightforward guy, with pretty good sense, who isn't going to pick any fights, so I decided I'd back him up. In my book you don't go up to redneck petty criminals and just ask for you money back; you go through the police. If that doesn't work you chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on (or maybe slash his tires or bust his windshield or something). Who knows, maybe asking will work though! I'm a great believer in both magic and fairies! On the other hand maybe things will take a turn for the violent and I'll die a sincerely pathetic death. If so though, be sure to make me look like a hero (after all, I'm helping out a wronged and cheated little old lady!). I've accomplished all the important goals I set for myself once upon a time, except for progeny...so someone name their daughter Wednesday or their son Robinson in memory of me. Thank you.

                In other news I'm reading the novelization of Revenge of the Sith. It's fascinating, really, and much better than the movie (I liked the movie). It's written by Matthew Stover who wrote what is possibly the greatest Star Wars novel ever (and defenitely the greatest philosophical Star Wars novel ever): Traitor. I didn't really think that someone could make a movie novelization their own, but he really has. It seems as if the movie is based of his novel, rather than the other way around. While he hasn't had any scenarios that weren't in the movie, they're all fleshed out so much more and delve into the thoughts of the characters. I'm on page 100 and Anakin and Obi-Wan are still rescuing Chancellor Palpatine, which is the first 10 minutes of the movie. Stover's narrative voice is very strong too. Instead of just telling what is happening he talks about it, and what it means, etc. Here are two quotes I'll sign out with. The first is from when Obi-Wan and Anakin enter into the battle above Coruscant: "Though this is the end of the age of heroes, it has saved its best for last." The second is the last line in the book (I always skip ahead and read the last line before I read the book): "The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins - but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back."

Currently Listening Out of Exile By Audioslave 02: Be Yourself see related

      Here's a poem type thing I wrote a few weeks ago but never got around to posting. Sometimes when I write these things I write just to write. You know, just to here the words rhyme, or to play around with the 3-line stanza or that sort of thing. That's what some of these verses are, I guess, though they all mean a bit of something to me. The verse I like the most, or maybe feel is the best, is:
We are the recently rejected
Love's True Believers now standing corrected
Trapped between experience and perspective
         It was one of those times when the cadence, rhyme, and words coalesced to say what I really feel. I'm proud of it.

We are the isolated masses
Forgetting our names between our classes
Each face our friend until it passes

We are the lost and bastardborn
The offspring of approval and scorn
The half-adults from childhood torn

We are the only true disciples
The apostate apostles with rewritable bibles
Searching for our generation's most worthy idols

We are the recently rejected
Love's True Believers now standing corrected
Trapped between experience and perspective

We are the hurt and the confused
The mix of priviliged and abused
Keepers of all the things we wished to lose

We are the the holders of that which they cannot escape
Their genetics and parenting binding them to their fate
Our lives just a replay of others mistakes

We are the golden, the Best of Youth
The Search for Pleasure replacing the Search for Truth
Leaving the Apathetic Throng with no flag to salute

We are the ones who laugh to keep from crying
Who try to fail to keep from trying
Who kill themselves to keep from dying